Growing Happiness

I've had a lot to think about in the last week. After a conversation with a very good friend (and therapist), I learned a lot about myself.

Okay...I didn't truly learn anything I didn't already know (I just don't like admitting it). But what I DID learn, is that many of the behaviors I have found acceptable in the past really just aren't working for me as an adult. And really the only thing I can do to change things in my life is changing my attitude. By changing my perspective. By taking the darn log out of my eye instead of pointing out the speck in my neighbor's (which I'm just too good at).

I am easily irritated. No surprise to those who know me. I tend not to post FB status updates about all the things that bother me because honestly I don't like bringing others down...but I am guilty of letting something annoy me to the point where I can't stop thinking about it and am then grouchy for the entire day. And the only person I'm really hurting is me. And Jamey...because he has to listen to my irritability.

Can you believe I'm not quiet either? ;-) If I'm unhappy, I like it for others to know. I'm not exactly sure why, I think mostly to get someone to validate my feelings. But what am I really accomplishing when I point my finger and think, "that is just plain stupid, I would never do that, act like that, or be like that."? I'm not helping anyone at all, and am certainly not helping myself.

I have been working really  hard this week on trying to be more positive in my life. On treating others the way I want to be treated (which is really very hard when you're being mistreated!)

And you know what? It's been difficult. I wish I could say it's all butterflies and rainbows now that I see the 'other side,' but it isn't. Happiness does not come easily or naturally for me.I really have no idea why...I admire it so much in others. That's one of the things that really attracted me to Jamey when we were first together, he just always has a smile on his face.

Sometimes I just wish that I could have all fun, amazing, positive, people in my life. But none of us have that do we? So why not become one of those fun, positive people?

I wanted to be so much more eloquent in this post. About how I'm learning to grow, and what I'm working on to be a more mature, happy person. I'm just scratching the surface right now, and that's okay. Because this kind of attitude overhaul takes time.

I want my children to see me as the goofball that I am. Not the perfectionist, the 'nothing's ever good enough' person that I have turned into. I love myself, I love the person who is in here...I just don't always care for what comes out. So here's to changing my attitude to be that happy person. I'm sure I've said this before, but I'm a work in progress. God is not done with His work in me until I leave this Earth.

I'm okay with that. I like that He's still working. He's using the people with specks in their eyes to help me pull out the log in mine. I'm too often on the defense, it's time to switch to offense :-)