Counting down the weeks on one hand!

How Far Along: 35 weeks

Size of baby: I'm guessing just over 6lbs

Sleep: I'm up every 2 hours to pee...everyone says I'm just practicing for baby. I'd rather just be good at it without having to practice haha!

Total Weight Gain: 28lbs. Oy.

Symptoms: I have the whole gamut of normal pregnancy symptoms, but the worst two are: round ligament pain and numbness in my hands from the swelling. It hurts really bad to get up and down, and I am constantly having to flex my fingers to regain feeling. This can make things really difficult at work.

Movement: She moves a lot, and I love it :)

Maternity Clothes: Got a few new pieces today even though I'm almost at the end...tried to get stuff that I can still wear after baby and before I'm back into my old clothes (if I can ever get back into them!)

Go-to eats: I eat an entire watermelon by myself every week. And I eat pretty much everything else too.

Best moment of the week: Celebrating Sam's birthday. It was bittersweet, going to the zoo without our son, and not yet holding our daughter. But we had a very nice day :)

Gender: We're having a little girl!

What I wish people knew: It felt wonderful having so many people acknowledge Sam's birthday yesterday. Jamey and I are more excited to meet our daughter more than anyone, but it is still incredibly important to us that people do not forget Sam. We miss him terribly, and our opportunities to talk about him are becoming more and more infrequent. So thank you to those who asked about him or wished him Happy Birthday yesterday, it was so nice.

What I’m looking forward to: Holding my daughter within the next few weeks. And sleeping on my stomach. Yeah, both of those will be nice ;-)

Comments

The Hardest Part

One year ago today I had my very last prenatal checkup. I saw both my maternal-fetal medicine specialist and my ob/gyn. My blood pressure was great. Gabriel was still there and moving. There was no indication that within 24 hours my liver would start to fail. I didn't know that April 13th, 2018 would be the last time I ever saw my baby on an ultrasound. It would be the last time I heard his heartbeat. I didn't know that the next morning a pain would begin. The next day I would meet my sweet little 2-month-old nephew. I wouldn't be able to eat because I just wasn't feeling well. I would stay up late with the pain, sipping water and waiting for it to pass. The next night would be spent in the ER, not knowing we would be meeting Gabriel face to face just 10 hours later. One year ago was the beginning of goodbye to this teeny boy. And I had no idea. Wednesday morning. It's time to get ready to leave. Except it's 3:00am. I keep waking up, worried tha

We Look Like Four

6 years ago I celebrated Mother's Day with no baby in my arms. Sam had died 2 weeks before. The year after that, I was pregnant with Mira and still had no baby to hold. The year after, Mira gave me the gift of the stomach flu. ;) The last few years have been fairly "normal" with the exception that one of my children was not there. And this year, I will celebrate with half of my children. There is nothing easy about this. One thing I grieve is I will never have all of my children in one picture. I asked the photographer to take one with Mira and Edward when they came to visit us at the hospital. I'd said, I don't care if it's crazy or no one is looking. I just want one with us as a family of 5. That's what we have. One picture of the 5 of us. One. We're a family of six, but out and about we look like four. We don't look like our hands are full with just the two. We don't know what it's like to juggle a baby carrier while chasing do

A New Way to Celebrate

"But He could have saved my boys. He could have . I'm so angry He didn't. I'm going to have to work through that with God, and I'm going to need time to do it. This isn't a quick fix, and there is no band-aid big enough to patch this damage. This cut is so deep it's going to take some major reconstructive surgery." I wrote that nearly two years ago. Two years. I wasn't wrong. There has been no quick fix. There was no band-aid. I'm still working through this with God. I still need time. I'll likely be working on this grief until it's my turn to leave this world. What I can say is the waves have settled a bit; the intensity of the grief not quite so severe. I don't talk about them as much anymore. I no longer desire to go back to the hospital and cradle their cold bodies. We're done having children....even that thought isn't as painful as it was just a year ago. Sam's birthday is April 30th. Gabriel

Kaila Mugford

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