Full Term. Finally :)

How Far Along: 37 weeks--FULL TERM!

Size of baby: 7lbs maybe?

Sleep: Near impossible to get comfortable, but I'm trying to get as much rest as possible right now.

Total Weight Gain: 28lbs

Symptoms: I have a lot of pain when I walk and I'm pretty much tired all the time. Almost done though!

Movement: This girl has been getting the hiccups more and more, and that's what I feel most often. But every so often she has a spurt of energy where she pushes out in the most uncomfortable spots and it's all I can do to keep from pushing back on her ;-)

Maternity Clothes: Getting a little big even for some of my maternity shirts.

Go-to eats: Fruit and cereal mmm mmmm!

Best moment of the week: Baby girl dropped last night! I woke up this morning and my tummy was super low! Hopefully she's making preparations to meet us!

Gender: We're having a little girl!

What I wish people knew: I still think a lot about what could or might go wrong. I told a friend this week that sometimes it has crossed my mind that the doctors know something is wrong but don't have the heart to tell us we're going to lose another. I know that's irrational, but it's something that I do think about every once in awhile.

What I’m looking forward to: Tomorrow is my last day of work before we meet our daughter. I. CAN. NOT. WAIT. TO. HOLD. HER. :-D

Comments

The Hardest Part

One year ago today I had my very last prenatal checkup. I saw both my maternal-fetal medicine specialist and my ob/gyn. My blood pressure was great. Gabriel was still there and moving. There was no indication that within 24 hours my liver would start to fail. I didn't know that April 13th, 2018 would be the last time I ever saw my baby on an ultrasound. It would be the last time I heard his heartbeat. I didn't know that the next morning a pain would begin. The next day I would meet my sweet little 2-month-old nephew. I wouldn't be able to eat because I just wasn't feeling well. I would stay up late with the pain, sipping water and waiting for it to pass. The next night would be spent in the ER, not knowing we would be meeting Gabriel face to face just 10 hours later. One year ago was the beginning of goodbye to this teeny boy. And I had no idea. Wednesday morning. It's time to get ready to leave. Except it's 3:00am. I keep waking up, worried tha

We Look Like Four

6 years ago I celebrated Mother's Day with no baby in my arms. Sam had died 2 weeks before. The year after that, I was pregnant with Mira and still had no baby to hold. The year after, Mira gave me the gift of the stomach flu. ;) The last few years have been fairly "normal" with the exception that one of my children was not there. And this year, I will celebrate with half of my children. There is nothing easy about this. One thing I grieve is I will never have all of my children in one picture. I asked the photographer to take one with Mira and Edward when they came to visit us at the hospital. I'd said, I don't care if it's crazy or no one is looking. I just want one with us as a family of 5. That's what we have. One picture of the 5 of us. One. We're a family of six, but out and about we look like four. We don't look like our hands are full with just the two. We don't know what it's like to juggle a baby carrier while chasing do

A New Way to Celebrate

"But He could have saved my boys. He could have . I'm so angry He didn't. I'm going to have to work through that with God, and I'm going to need time to do it. This isn't a quick fix, and there is no band-aid big enough to patch this damage. This cut is so deep it's going to take some major reconstructive surgery." I wrote that nearly two years ago. Two years. I wasn't wrong. There has been no quick fix. There was no band-aid. I'm still working through this with God. I still need time. I'll likely be working on this grief until it's my turn to leave this world. What I can say is the waves have settled a bit; the intensity of the grief not quite so severe. I don't talk about them as much anymore. I no longer desire to go back to the hospital and cradle their cold bodies. We're done having children....even that thought isn't as painful as it was just a year ago. Sam's birthday is April 30th. Gabriel

Kaila Mugford

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