36 weeks...almost there!

How Far Along: 36 weeks 1 day

Size of baby: 7lbs maybe?

Sleep: Not happening really. But then again I've been told I'll beg for the kind of sleep I get now here in a few weeks...so I'll just keep my mouth shut ;-)

Total Weight Gain: 28lbs

Symptoms: I think I have all of them. But between the 225mg of Zantac, trying to keep my feet up, and the use of a belly belt, I think I'll survive!

Movement: I feel a lot of squirming now, and every so often I get the feeling that I can feel her "practice breathing" just by the way my belly moves up and down rhythmically.

Maternity Clothes: All the time!

Go-to eats: Fruit and cereal mmm mmmm!

Best moment of the week: Going to the doctor and picking a birth date for our girl! Unless she arrives earlier :) Also, we finished up our major shopping for the nursery!

Gender: We're having a little girl!

What I wish people knew: I think people pretty much know most of what I'm feeling right now. I'm just tired and in pain...and anxious to be holding my baby.

What I’m looking forward to: Just one more week of work until I can put my feet up! With all the numbness and swelling, I can't wait to take it easy :)

Comments

The Hardest Part

One year ago today I had my very last prenatal checkup. I saw both my maternal-fetal medicine specialist and my ob/gyn. My blood pressure was great. Gabriel was still there and moving. There was no indication that within 24 hours my liver would start to fail. I didn't know that April 13th, 2018 would be the last time I ever saw my baby on an ultrasound. It would be the last time I heard his heartbeat. I didn't know that the next morning a pain would begin. The next day I would meet my sweet little 2-month-old nephew. I wouldn't be able to eat because I just wasn't feeling well. I would stay up late with the pain, sipping water and waiting for it to pass. The next night would be spent in the ER, not knowing we would be meeting Gabriel face to face just 10 hours later. One year ago was the beginning of goodbye to this teeny boy. And I had no idea. Wednesday morning. It's time to get ready to leave. Except it's 3:00am. I keep waking up, worried tha...

A New Way to Celebrate

"But He could have saved my boys. He could have . I'm so angry He didn't. I'm going to have to work through that with God, and I'm going to need time to do it. This isn't a quick fix, and there is no band-aid big enough to patch this damage. This cut is so deep it's going to take some major reconstructive surgery." I wrote that nearly two years ago. Two years. I wasn't wrong. There has been no quick fix. There was no band-aid. I'm still working through this with God. I still need time. I'll likely be working on this grief until it's my turn to leave this world. What I can say is the waves have settled a bit; the intensity of the grief not quite so severe. I don't talk about them as much anymore. I no longer desire to go back to the hospital and cradle their cold bodies. We're done having children....even that thought isn't as painful as it was just a year ago. Sam's birthday is April 30th. Gabriel...

On Not Writing.

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash Kaila...why don't you write? I stopped writing, really writing , almost 3 years ago. Sometimes I share my old posts. Sometimes I just read them on my own, so glad I put words to my feelings at the time. Sometimes they remind me that the feelings haven't gone away. Last night as I put the kids to bed, Edward said, Mom, I know what I want for Christmas. What's that, buddy? He paused for a moment. I want a wittle brudder. This isn't the first time he's asked. It likely won't be the last. We're honest with Mira and Edward that we can't have any more kids; and to try would risk my life. There's a bit of confusion just because of their ages, but they're getting to the point where it's really starting to settle in. Mom, can we go get a baby? Like, adopt? We've walked this thought-road as well, weighing our options. We've weighed every. single. option. We've considered trying again, rolling the dice...

Kaila Mugford

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