My today has been hard. It feels like my yesterday. My yesterday was filled with holding a sweet baby boy in my arms, smelling him, kissing him, loving him. I don't think I once told him I loved him, but he knew it. My yesterday was filled with a second pregnancy with a healthy girl, living on an adrenaline rush, waiting for my rainbow baby, smelling her, kissing her, loving her. I tell her every day I love her. My today has been an edgy one. 10 weeks pregnant. No adrenaline rush. I know what it's like now for my love to grow as my daughter grows. Feel her kisses on my cheek. See her smile, hear her laugh. There's no other feeling. And my heart hurts knowing that it's possible (just bear with me) that I may or may not get the same opportunity with this one. I said bear with me. I'm not depressed. I haven't given up on God. I'm not any less positive than I usually am. I'm not expecting the worst. I'm having a moment. Please let me have it.