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Breaking my pregnancy promise

Stick a fork in me, I'm done ;-)

Before we go pregnant with this girl, I told God and everyone that if He ever blessed us with another baby, I would not take it for granted. I would not complain about pregnancy, and I would be the happiest mother ever.

Be careful what you promise.

Of course, I do NOT by any means take this pregnancy for granted. But I do complain, and I know for a fact that I have not been the happiest pregnant woman ever.

Being pregnant with Sam was emotionally the hardest thing I've ever done. Walking around with a giant belly while strangers congratulate you, feeling him kick knowing that's the only place he ever will....that's incredibly hard.

BUT. Physical pain? An entirely different ballgame. I am so happy this girl is healthy, and would gladly carry her again to meet her, but I'm about ready to tap out.

Physically, Sam was the easiest pregnancy. I had absolutely no nausea, I wasn't running to the bathroom every 5 minutes, I had some energy, no swelling, no problems really at all. I had a smile on my face because my baby was alive every morning I woke up, and that made me happy.

I can't imagine being in physical pain indefinitely. The people who doctors can't figure out what's wrong, or can't help them because it's more dangerous to try to fix something than to just let it be. People who live with pain on a daily basis....I just don't know how you do it.

I want to cry at the end of every day I'm hurting so bad right now. My doctors say that all my swelling is normal, and that I'm healthy. Which is wonderful. But it's amazing how this amount of pain is considered normal and healthy.

My lower back hurts so much that all I want to do is bend down and touch my toes to stretch it out, but I'm not really capable of that right now. The swelling in my hands and feet make me feel like they're going to pop. I tried to take the screw cap off a tylenol bottle this morning and really struggled because my fingers just won't bend enough to do it right now. I feel like I know where every single muscle in my body is--because I can feel pain in each one of them. The heartburn makes me feel like I'm being stabbed in the chest repeatedly until I can run to get my Zantac.

The worst pain I have right now is pelvic pain. It makes transitions from sitting to walking almost unbearable. I have a belly belt I wear now to help alleviate some of it, but it is still some of the most pain I've ever had.

Don't I sound like such a whiny big baby? Wah wah this woman obviously has a low pain tolerance.

You know what? I would have agreed with you if I had heard someone talking like this a couple years ago. It can't be THAT bad, right?

But let me tell you something. I am in so much pain right now, I'd much rather give birth every single day than feel this. My doctors have told me I have a very high pain tolerance. When I was in labor with Sam, they kept asking me if I needed extra pain medication to which I turned down (I did eventually get an epidural, but that was precautionary...I wasn't sure how bad it could get!). But when you're dialated to 7cm and can still talk through contractions, and your pain level is at a 4 because it's starting to get uncomfortable....you can safely say (I think at least), that you're not a big baby. And when I say something hurts, IT REALLY DOES HURT.

I know there's not much longer. The sleep deprivation from pain is just starting to get to me. I am so thankful that this will be over soon, and I'll be able to work on my physical health. People with chronic pain really can't say that, and I feel so badly for them. I just can't imagine, I really can't.

So that's my little bit for today. A pregnant woman complaining about being in pain...so unoriginal. But one of you just might be a massage therapist and come save me, so I might as well put this out there right? :-D

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