Gosh, it's been almost 2 years since I've looked at a blank page on this screen, waiting for me to fill it with words. Two years and my last post was about how stressful ultrasounds are for me. Even after two healthy babies, I can't stand being in those dark rooms with the technician quietly taking images. Today I'm back to fill this empty screen because I've lived my worst fear. Twice. We're 20 weeks today. The half-way point. Usually such a victory in pregnancy, hip hip hooray! In 20 short weeks you'll hold your baby. You'll take them home. Not long now, momma. I've ran the gamut of emotions these last 2 weeks since finding out our Gabriel won't live long after birth. I don't even fully know which one to process first...or if I even get to choose (spoiler: I don't, they all come at once). It's strange processing an entire grief cycle I've done before. I have the journals from when I was pregnant Sam, who went to heaven six y