Blessed

I sometimes look back at my life and wonder how in the world did I make it through? I think everyone does that from time to time. College, for instance, is one that I don't know how I did it. It was a real struggle for me. I had some good times, but I used to dread going back every semester...having absolutely no idea (and no confidence) in my ability to complete what lay ahead.

But looking back at things in life like this can also be very comforting. The more I face, the more confident I become in being able to handle anything that comes my way. And having God in my life now has definitely made life indescribably happier and more peaceful.

I want to share with you a journal entry I made on this day last year. We had found out 3 days prior that Sam was unlikely to survive long after birth. Reading it I think, "Wow, who is that person?" Because this time around I have been tending to fall back on my worries and let anxiety take over. But then I read this. And I find myself to be encouraging :-)

1-19-12

This is a journal for my first born baby. We found out just a few days ago (it seems like months) that the time we have left with our baby is limited. We do not know how limited, but this gives us the opportunity to cherish the moments we have left.
We never thought anything like this could ever happen to us. We feel like we're living in some horrible nightmare that we'll soon awaken from. The hardest times have been in the morning waking up and realizing we weren't dreaming. I know God is carrying us right now. I know that's why we've been able to get up in the morning and continue on these last few days. He's been holding us tightly to help ease the pain. And although I know the toughest parts are still to come, for now I feel at ease as God holds my hand through the toughest experience I have ever been through. I love my baby with all my heart. I know God does too and will take care of it and help with the pain. At the very least I want to meet my baby, if only for a few days. I pray that this much is God's will.

Not all my entries of course are as uplifting as this...but it was a nice start. I must have been pretty motivated that day to get up and do something about this chapter in our lives. We knew we didn't have much time, in fact, the doctors had told us we likely only had a few more weeks left of pregnancy (it ended up being 16). So we bonded as best we could for as long as we could.

As we sit enjoying this beautiful sunny Saturday, I am reminded of all I have to be grateful for. A loving husband, a beautiful son in heaven, and a daughter we just can't wait to meet. We have our health, we have jobs, we have God.

We have been blessed.