What an amazingly beautiful day. I don't think anything could possibly put me in a bad mood when I can open my windows for awhile and let the fresh air and rays of sun pour in.
And what a perfect day to take in a message from our lead pastor.
What would your last day on earth be like? What would people at your funeral say about you? We are currently doing a series titled "YOLO" (you only live once). Because you do only live once, what are you doing with that life? What will your legacy say about you? Is it what God has intended for you?
Our pastor gave a list of the most important parts of life: faith, family, friends, etc...and asked us. What would people say about your faith? Were you a good family member? A good friend?
One thing that struck me in particular was in reference to a section in Andy Stanley's book: When Work and Family Collide: Keeping Your Job from Cheating Your Family. In it, is a parable to be used as an imaging tool, and it really went deep in to my core:
Use your imagination for just a moment. Imagine that your best friend walks up to you in your front yard one Saturday and asks you to do him a favor. You have some free time, and so you agree to do it. He walks over to his car, opens the trunk, and produces a thirty-pound rock.
Now here’s where you’re really going to have to use your imagination: At this point he hands you the rock and says, “I really need you to stand here with this rock until I return.” He explains why it’s important that you stand in that one spot with the rock and promises to return shortly to retrieve it. It’s a strange request, and his explanation doesn’t make a lot of sense, but this is someone you trust, so you agree. At this point he thanks you with extreme gratitude and then gets into his car and drives away.
An hour goes by. And what started out as a reasonable favor is beginning to get a little hard. But after all, this is your best friend, so you resign yourself to continue on and stand there. Another hour goes by and your arms are starting to ache. Everything in you wants to sit down, but you made a promise. Then suddenly, to your relief, your friend pulls in the driveway, jumps out of the car, and runs in your direction. You’re so relieved. If you weren’t holding the rock, you’d hug him.
But your joy is quickly crushed. Instead of relieving you of your burden he says, “I told you I was coming right back. But I need to run one more quick errand. If you’ll keep holding the rock, I’ll make it up to you when I return.” Once again, you trust that what you’re told is true. If your friend needs to run one more errand before relieving you that is just the way it is. So you agree. As he turns to go you can’t help but yell out, “Please hurry.” Off your friend goes and there you stand.
Another hour goes by. The sun begins to set. Your muscles are aching to be able to drop the rock. But you refuse to give in. You’re committed to holding up your part of what you promised. Besides, your friend said he’d make it up to you. You aren’t sure what that means, but it must be something good. Thirty minutes later a car pulls up in the driveway. Someone you don’t know is driving. This person walks over and informs you that your friend has been delayed. “Would you mind holding the rock for just a little while longer?” he asks.
You experience a mixture of pain and anger. You manage to mutter, “Just tell him to hurry.”
Away the person goes and there you stand. It’s dark now. The streets are empty. The neighbors are at their windows watching you stand there, wondering why you’d put up with being treated like that by a “friend.”
Another hour goes by. You begin to lose your grip. Your arms begin to fall. You tell yourself to hold on, but your body just won’t respond. Down goes the rock. And just as it hits the pavement and breaks into a hundred pieces, your friend pulls up in the driveway. He jumps out of the car, runs over with a look of panic on his face, and says, “What happened? Did it slip? Did somebody knock it out of your hands? Did you change your mind?” And as he looks for an explanation as to why you suddenly dropped the rock, you know that it was a long time coming.
Now let me explain what happened in terms that will help us later on. Your mental willingness was overcome by your physical exhaustion. You wanted to do what you were asked to do, but after awhile you just couldn’t do it anymore. Add to that the frustration of being misled about how long you’d have to stand there. But even if the aggravation is put aside, at some point you just weren’t going to be able to keep holding on. No amount of love, dedication, commitment, or selflessness was going to be able to make up for the fact that your arms were worn out.
Now, let’s add another element to that story: You’re about to pass out from exhaustion. And finally a car pulls up in the driveway. You’re so angry and in so much pain you know you’ll have to choose your words carefully. Sure enough, it’s your friend. He walks over slowly with one hand behind his back. He forces a smile and says, “I brought you something.”
Suddenly he brings out from behind his back a bouquet of flowers. At that point you don’t just drop the rock; you find within yourself just enough strength to throw it at him! As he ducks, he exclaims, “What was that all about? I bought you flowers, didn’t I?”
(This was taken from http://www.marriagemissions.com/why-some-spouses-give-up/)
As the story was retold to me this afternoon, I got tears in my eyes. Do I have a job that takes precedence over my relationship with Jamey? No, I don't.
But do I ask him to hold the rock more often than not? I think I might. Jamey makes it so easy, he's a giver, someone who loves to serve, always has a towel over his hand even if he's to the point of exhaustion. And it's easy when he offers to take care of everything to just say, "Okay. Thank you. I love you, and I'll make it up to you."
And then I don't make it up to him...at least I don't think I do. And he really wouldn't say anything to me if he felt that was the case.
So after church, I asked him, "Do you feel like I leave you holding the rock?"
His answer: "Sometimes yeah."
Ouch.
And it's not that the person left holding the rock doesn't love you. In fact they do it because they love you just so very much. But that wears on a person and eventually exhaustion creeps in and they just can't do it anymore.
We're a team, and that's how we should function. I do my best to ask Jamey how he's feeling, if there's anything I can do to make things better for him, or just pitch in on chores I know we both don't like doing (I did the dishes almost the entire week which for me is a big deal because I really hate doing them!)
But it's not just for him, it's for the both of us. So we can both be as healthy as possible. So we can both hold one another up, and be the best parents we can be for our children. Are we always going to be perfect at it? Of course not. But it's always good to have an awareness that even though you are incredibly tired and just don't want to do something...your spouse probably is too. So we talk about it, and because I have no problem voicing my opinions or issues, I give him the opportunity to say his.
I do not want this man to throw a boulder at me if I bring him some flowers...so I'm going to do everything I can to make sure we pass that rock back and forth equally :)
And what a perfect day to take in a message from our lead pastor.
What would your last day on earth be like? What would people at your funeral say about you? We are currently doing a series titled "YOLO" (you only live once). Because you do only live once, what are you doing with that life? What will your legacy say about you? Is it what God has intended for you?
Our pastor gave a list of the most important parts of life: faith, family, friends, etc...and asked us. What would people say about your faith? Were you a good family member? A good friend?
One thing that struck me in particular was in reference to a section in Andy Stanley's book: When Work and Family Collide: Keeping Your Job from Cheating Your Family. In it, is a parable to be used as an imaging tool, and it really went deep in to my core:
Use your imagination for just a moment. Imagine that your best friend walks up to you in your front yard one Saturday and asks you to do him a favor. You have some free time, and so you agree to do it. He walks over to his car, opens the trunk, and produces a thirty-pound rock.
Now here’s where you’re really going to have to use your imagination: At this point he hands you the rock and says, “I really need you to stand here with this rock until I return.” He explains why it’s important that you stand in that one spot with the rock and promises to return shortly to retrieve it. It’s a strange request, and his explanation doesn’t make a lot of sense, but this is someone you trust, so you agree. At this point he thanks you with extreme gratitude and then gets into his car and drives away.
An hour goes by. And what started out as a reasonable favor is beginning to get a little hard. But after all, this is your best friend, so you resign yourself to continue on and stand there. Another hour goes by and your arms are starting to ache. Everything in you wants to sit down, but you made a promise. Then suddenly, to your relief, your friend pulls in the driveway, jumps out of the car, and runs in your direction. You’re so relieved. If you weren’t holding the rock, you’d hug him.
But your joy is quickly crushed. Instead of relieving you of your burden he says, “I told you I was coming right back. But I need to run one more quick errand. If you’ll keep holding the rock, I’ll make it up to you when I return.” Once again, you trust that what you’re told is true. If your friend needs to run one more errand before relieving you that is just the way it is. So you agree. As he turns to go you can’t help but yell out, “Please hurry.” Off your friend goes and there you stand.
Another hour goes by. The sun begins to set. Your muscles are aching to be able to drop the rock. But you refuse to give in. You’re committed to holding up your part of what you promised. Besides, your friend said he’d make it up to you. You aren’t sure what that means, but it must be something good. Thirty minutes later a car pulls up in the driveway. Someone you don’t know is driving. This person walks over and informs you that your friend has been delayed. “Would you mind holding the rock for just a little while longer?” he asks.
You experience a mixture of pain and anger. You manage to mutter, “Just tell him to hurry.”
Away the person goes and there you stand. It’s dark now. The streets are empty. The neighbors are at their windows watching you stand there, wondering why you’d put up with being treated like that by a “friend.”
Another hour goes by. You begin to lose your grip. Your arms begin to fall. You tell yourself to hold on, but your body just won’t respond. Down goes the rock. And just as it hits the pavement and breaks into a hundred pieces, your friend pulls up in the driveway. He jumps out of the car, runs over with a look of panic on his face, and says, “What happened? Did it slip? Did somebody knock it out of your hands? Did you change your mind?” And as he looks for an explanation as to why you suddenly dropped the rock, you know that it was a long time coming.
Now let me explain what happened in terms that will help us later on. Your mental willingness was overcome by your physical exhaustion. You wanted to do what you were asked to do, but after awhile you just couldn’t do it anymore. Add to that the frustration of being misled about how long you’d have to stand there. But even if the aggravation is put aside, at some point you just weren’t going to be able to keep holding on. No amount of love, dedication, commitment, or selflessness was going to be able to make up for the fact that your arms were worn out.
Now, let’s add another element to that story: You’re about to pass out from exhaustion. And finally a car pulls up in the driveway. You’re so angry and in so much pain you know you’ll have to choose your words carefully. Sure enough, it’s your friend. He walks over slowly with one hand behind his back. He forces a smile and says, “I brought you something.”
Suddenly he brings out from behind his back a bouquet of flowers. At that point you don’t just drop the rock; you find within yourself just enough strength to throw it at him! As he ducks, he exclaims, “What was that all about? I bought you flowers, didn’t I?”
(This was taken from http://www.marriagemissions.com/why-some-spouses-give-up/)
As the story was retold to me this afternoon, I got tears in my eyes. Do I have a job that takes precedence over my relationship with Jamey? No, I don't.
But do I ask him to hold the rock more often than not? I think I might. Jamey makes it so easy, he's a giver, someone who loves to serve, always has a towel over his hand even if he's to the point of exhaustion. And it's easy when he offers to take care of everything to just say, "Okay. Thank you. I love you, and I'll make it up to you."
And then I don't make it up to him...at least I don't think I do. And he really wouldn't say anything to me if he felt that was the case.
So after church, I asked him, "Do you feel like I leave you holding the rock?"
His answer: "Sometimes yeah."
Ouch.
And it's not that the person left holding the rock doesn't love you. In fact they do it because they love you just so very much. But that wears on a person and eventually exhaustion creeps in and they just can't do it anymore.
We're a team, and that's how we should function. I do my best to ask Jamey how he's feeling, if there's anything I can do to make things better for him, or just pitch in on chores I know we both don't like doing (I did the dishes almost the entire week which for me is a big deal because I really hate doing them!)
But it's not just for him, it's for the both of us. So we can both be as healthy as possible. So we can both hold one another up, and be the best parents we can be for our children. Are we always going to be perfect at it? Of course not. But it's always good to have an awareness that even though you are incredibly tired and just don't want to do something...your spouse probably is too. So we talk about it, and because I have no problem voicing my opinions or issues, I give him the opportunity to say his.
I do not want this man to throw a boulder at me if I bring him some flowers...so I'm going to do everything I can to make sure we pass that rock back and forth equally :)
I WISH I OULD PASS THE ROCK EQUALLY.LOVE YOUR BLOG KAILA.
ReplyDeleteLOVE YOU ALL, AUNT BARBARA AND UNCLE TERRY
It is amazing when we have revelations about life :) When this story was told to you God opened your eyes to see and make you and Jamey healthy and happy. You guys are going to make good parents. I love the God moments in life. It would be awesome if everyone realized the God moments in their lives and decided to Glorify God by making changes in their lives.
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