Eleven months. How can such a short span of life seem so long?
Before my birthday last year, I felt like I had been 24 for my entire life. The wait for Sam to be born lasted an eternity, yet it felt like the blink of an eye. I felt like I had lived one hundred years that year.
To say I miss Sam just doesn't seem appropriate. That phrase doesn't go as deep as the wound in my heart does. I want to hold him one more time and just kiss him all over. I feel like I barely kissed him when he was here, and I want to make up for it.
I miss all the milestones we never got to have with him. He'd be trying to stand on his own by now, he'd have the most incredibly chunky legs, and he'd be playing with us. Maybe he'd even be talking a little bit by now. I'll never know who he was like. Whether he'd have Jamey's laugh or my temper. I will never seem him go to kindergarten, graduate high school, get married, have children of his own. People mourn when their children reach these milestones (and I do understand why), but I mourn because my baby will never get the chance.
I will forever have a newborn. Even though I know in my head Sam would be 11 months old today, he will always be that brand new sweet-smelling baby to me. He will always be beautiful, always perfect.
I can't wait to reach these milestones with our baby girl, I really can't. Missing everything with Sam will make me appreciate it all that much more with her. I thank the Lord for making me a mother again...and although I won't be perfect, I do not want Him to regret giving me the chance.
One more month until Sam's first birthday, and two more months until we meet our daughter...we can do this :)
Before my birthday last year, I felt like I had been 24 for my entire life. The wait for Sam to be born lasted an eternity, yet it felt like the blink of an eye. I felt like I had lived one hundred years that year.
To say I miss Sam just doesn't seem appropriate. That phrase doesn't go as deep as the wound in my heart does. I want to hold him one more time and just kiss him all over. I feel like I barely kissed him when he was here, and I want to make up for it.
I miss all the milestones we never got to have with him. He'd be trying to stand on his own by now, he'd have the most incredibly chunky legs, and he'd be playing with us. Maybe he'd even be talking a little bit by now. I'll never know who he was like. Whether he'd have Jamey's laugh or my temper. I will never seem him go to kindergarten, graduate high school, get married, have children of his own. People mourn when their children reach these milestones (and I do understand why), but I mourn because my baby will never get the chance.
I will forever have a newborn. Even though I know in my head Sam would be 11 months old today, he will always be that brand new sweet-smelling baby to me. He will always be beautiful, always perfect.
I can't wait to reach these milestones with our baby girl, I really can't. Missing everything with Sam will make me appreciate it all that much more with her. I thank the Lord for making me a mother again...and although I won't be perfect, I do not want Him to regret giving me the chance.
One more month until Sam's first birthday, and two more months until we meet our daughter...we can do this :)
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