Skip to main content

Hidden Treasure

I'm sitting downstairs listening to my baby cry.

No, I'm not trying the cry it out method...she's upstairs with Daddy. She just hates bedtime. And as hard as it can be to hear her be so upset, I know she's just fine and just fighting sleep.

I will miss these days, I know I will.

I can't believe my baby is 2 months old, and yet, I feel like she has been with us forever. I don't even remember what it was like before we starting having kids, and it really wasn't that long ago.

I love being a mother. Love it.

Mira did end up getting her vaccinations (and I'm either an awesome Mom or how could I possibly do that to my child depending on your viewpoint). I realized though, that I had to let go of what others might think about the decisions I'm making as a mother. Because I'm making them out of my love for her. I'm making them based on what I feel is best for her.

And if I make a decision that somewhere down the road leads to some complication in one way or another...then God will see us through. He doesn't want us to hurt or for us to sit in fear of making decisions for our children. He wants what is best for us, just as we do for Mira.

I have been making a more concerted effort to read my Bible (I do not have a very good track record of keeping up with it), and it has been helping tremendously. I couldn't even begin to tell you how great this is for me. Even when I'd rather watch a tv show while Mira is napping or playing, I make sure to sit down once a day and read at least 4 chapters (1 OT, 1 NT, 1 Psalm, 1 Proverb).

I read Proverbs 2:1-6 just the other day and felt the need to write it on a little notecard for me to read periodically:
"My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, listening closely to wisdom and directing your heart to understanding, if you seek it like silver and search for it like hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and discover the knowledge of God."

I don't know about you, but the Old Testament does not seem like hidden treasure or silver to me. (Between you and me...I fall asleep reading Chronicles and Kings. I know I'm not alone here!) But God says to direct my heart to understanding. And how do I do that? By reading His word. I know that by doing this it well help me to be a better parent. Because I'm learning from the greatest Father of all.

So here I am...seeking hidden treasure. Even if I have to find it coin by coin ;-)

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The Hardest Part

One year ago today I had my very last prenatal checkup. I saw both my maternal-fetal medicine specialist and my ob/gyn. My blood pressure was great. Gabriel was still there and moving. There was no indication that within 24 hours my liver would start to fail. I didn't know that April 13th, 2018 would be the last time I ever saw my baby on an ultrasound. It would be the last time I heard his heartbeat. I didn't know that the next morning a pain would begin. The next day I would meet my sweet little 2-month-old nephew. I wouldn't be able to eat because I just wasn't feeling well. I would stay up late with the pain, sipping water and waiting for it to pass. The next night would be spent in the ER, not knowing we would be meeting Gabriel face to face just 10 hours later. One year ago was the beginning of goodbye to this teeny boy. And I had no idea. Wednesday morning. It's time to get ready to leave. Except it's 3:00am. I keep waking up, worried tha...

A New Way to Celebrate

"But He could have saved my boys.  He could have . I'm so angry He didn't. I'm going to have to work through that with God, and I'm going to need time to do it. This isn't a quick fix, and there is no band-aid big enough to patch this damage. This cut is so deep it's going to take some major reconstructive surgery." I wrote that nearly two years ago. Two years. I wasn't wrong. There has been no quick fix. There was no band-aid. I'm still working through this with God. I still need time. I'll likely be working on this grief until it's my turn to leave this world. What I can  say is the waves have settled a bit; the intensity of the grief not quite so severe. I don't talk about them as much anymore. I no longer desire to go back to the hospital and cradle their cold bodies. We're done having children....even that  thought isn't as painful as it was just a year ago. Sam's birthday is April 30th. Gabriel...

On Not Writing.

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash Kaila...why don't you write? I stopped writing, really writing , almost 3 years ago.  Sometimes I share my old posts. Sometimes I just read them on my own, so glad I put words to my feelings at the time.  Sometimes they remind me that the feelings haven't gone away. Last night as I put the kids to bed, Edward said, Mom, I know what I want for Christmas.  What's that, buddy? He paused for a moment. I want a wittle brudder. This isn't the first time he's asked. It likely won't be the last. We're honest with Mira and Edward that we can't have any more kids; and to try would risk my life. There's a bit of confusion just because of their ages, but they're getting to the point where it's really starting to settle in. Mom, can we go get a baby? Like, adopt?  We've walked this thought-road as well, weighing our options. We've weighed every. single. option.  We've considered trying again, rolling the dice...