Why didn't any of you tell me???

It is absolutely amazing to hear the viewpoint of people who don't have children on what it means to be a parent. I mean, the insight...the knowledge!! ;-)

Did you know that when you become a parent (if you're a good one that is), that you can no longer participate in any activities that you once enjoyed? That you'll have no time at all other than staring at your child, watching their every move? That you cease to exist outside of the being that is your kid? Did you know that your life is over the minute your child takes its first breath?

All of these were quite startling revelations to me today. Did you also know that most parents couldn't possibly be happy as they say they are? That they say they are happy just so the world doesn't think they're bad parents? That the happiness of parenthood is one big conspiracy???

WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME THIS BEFORE? Why couldn't you have just told me the truth, let me live in the bliss that is pre-parenthood?!

Of course, I'm being facetious. But I kid you not...these are real opinions from real people. And if they actually had children, I might be worried. Fortunately, I know what it's like to love someone more than life itself. I loved and love Sam still with all that I am, and the same for this baby. I can't wait to see her beautiful face and kiss her over and over again.

These same people who believe life is over when you have children believe it only because if every moment of your life isn't completely perfect....it must be a living hell. And unsuspecting parents get so caught up in the beauty of having a newborn that they are completely shocked when it's not all rainbows and butterflies. That new parents haven't even considered the difficulties of raising a child.

Forehead smack.

Now...I know that not all parents are totally prepared for bringing home a baby. And yes, I do have this image of tending the garden on a beautiful summer day while my baby girl sits quietly in her carrier. Will that happen? I've got my fingers crossed for one moment where this is true. But is it more likely I'll be up with a screaming baby every hour for much of this summer?

YES. And I will struggle. And cry. Complain. It will get ugly. But I'll tell you what...I'd have given anything to have had those ugly moments with Sam. I wouldn't trade my babies for any other life. I say that as a parent, and I mean it so much.

I love being a mother. No conspiracy to rope others into becoming parents. No hidden fees, no fine print, no money down ;-)

Comments

The Hardest Part

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We Look Like Four

6 years ago I celebrated Mother's Day with no baby in my arms. Sam had died 2 weeks before. The year after that, I was pregnant with Mira and still had no baby to hold. The year after, Mira gave me the gift of the stomach flu. ;) The last few years have been fairly "normal" with the exception that one of my children was not there. And this year, I will celebrate with half of my children. There is nothing easy about this. One thing I grieve is I will never have all of my children in one picture. I asked the photographer to take one with Mira and Edward when they came to visit us at the hospital. I'd said, I don't care if it's crazy or no one is looking. I just want one with us as a family of 5. That's what we have. One picture of the 5 of us. One. We're a family of six, but out and about we look like four. We don't look like our hands are full with just the two. We don't know what it's like to juggle a baby carrier while chasing do

A New Way to Celebrate

"But He could have saved my boys. He could have . I'm so angry He didn't. I'm going to have to work through that with God, and I'm going to need time to do it. This isn't a quick fix, and there is no band-aid big enough to patch this damage. This cut is so deep it's going to take some major reconstructive surgery." I wrote that nearly two years ago. Two years. I wasn't wrong. There has been no quick fix. There was no band-aid. I'm still working through this with God. I still need time. I'll likely be working on this grief until it's my turn to leave this world. What I can say is the waves have settled a bit; the intensity of the grief not quite so severe. I don't talk about them as much anymore. I no longer desire to go back to the hospital and cradle their cold bodies. We're done having children....even that thought isn't as painful as it was just a year ago. Sam's birthday is April 30th. Gabriel

Kaila Mugford

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