Skip to main content

Dreaming with my eyes open

We are just so excited to be parents again. SO EXCITED!

We had an an appointment today. We're starting to go every week now only because I had a minor meltdown last week and she thinks it would be best if I had the reassurance that everything was okay at least once a week. Although I'm a little skeptical it's going to really make a difference on how good I feel, I'm happy that she recommended it. I know everyone is very understanding why I would want to take a look at her so often after what we went through with Sam...but I just hate that feeling that things may not be okay.

I asked Jamey on the way back from the doctor last week, "Do you feel like something IS wrong, and they're just not telling us until she's here so at least we have a few more months of excitement and joy?"

I know, I know. Completely irrational and unrealistic. And I'm pretty sure it'd be illegal on their part. But, the question still manages to pop into my head. Just as much as I wanted to wake up from Sam's diagnosis as a bad dream, this too feels like another dream. Almost too good to be true. And I'm afraid to wake up from this one.

Jamey asks, "What would make you feel better for these last 2 months?"

Hmmm. I think....having a constant monitor on my belly while I lay in bed watching happy movies for the next while would do it. But since that's not really an option.... ;-)

It was a very good appointment today, and I am just so thankful for that. We were supposed to have a non-stress test, but she ended up passing all the fetal health tests so they didn't even hook me up. And last week she was breech, but this week she flipped! Everyone was telling me how crazy it feels when they flip...so she must have done it while I was sleeping. I couldn't even begin to describe what it feels like for me for my doctor to say, "This baby is perfect. We don't even need to monitor her because she's doing everything we want her to exactly when we want it."

See this dream I'm living in? No one pinch me!

Comments

  1. AnonymousApril 3, 2013 at 7:23 AM

    So glad you had a perfect appointment! And believe me, all mama's with Rainbow Babies feel that way. I had a huge meltdown at 28wks with my Ob assuring me my baby was healthy but I also wished for a permanent monitor to make sure he was okay!!


    KateM

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kaila MugfordApril 3, 2013 at 8:54 PM

      So glad to hear I'm normal Kate! I just can't wait to bring this girl home! :-)

      Delete
    2. AnonymousApril 4, 2013 at 3:55 AM

      So so normal! Even when I gave birth and he was crying I apparently asked who's baby that was crying. Yes, I am a dork :-P

      KateM

      Delete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Hardest Part

One year ago today I had my very last prenatal checkup. I saw both my maternal-fetal medicine specialist and my ob/gyn. My blood pressure was great. Gabriel was still there and moving. There was no indication that within 24 hours my liver would start to fail. I didn't know that April 13th, 2018 would be the last time I ever saw my baby on an ultrasound. It would be the last time I heard his heartbeat. I didn't know that the next morning a pain would begin. The next day I would meet my sweet little 2-month-old nephew. I wouldn't be able to eat because I just wasn't feeling well. I would stay up late with the pain, sipping water and waiting for it to pass. The next night would be spent in the ER, not knowing we would be meeting Gabriel face to face just 10 hours later. One year ago was the beginning of goodbye to this teeny boy. And I had no idea. Wednesday morning. It's time to get ready to leave. Except it's 3:00am. I keep waking up, worried tha
2 comments
Read more

We Look Like Four

6 years ago I celebrated Mother's Day with no baby in my arms. Sam had died 2 weeks before. The year after that, I was pregnant with Mira and still had no baby to hold. The year after, Mira gave me the gift of the stomach flu. ;) The last few years have been fairly "normal" with the exception that one of my children was not there. And this year, I will celebrate with half of my children. There is nothing easy about this. One thing I grieve is I will never have all of my children in one picture. I asked the photographer to take one with Mira and Edward when they came to visit us at the hospital. I'd said, I don't care if it's crazy or no one is looking. I just want one with us as a family of 5. That's what we have. One picture of the 5 of us. One. We're a family of six, but out and about we look like four. We don't look like our hands are full with just the two. We don't know what it's like to juggle a baby carrier while chasing do
1 comment
Read more

A New Way to Celebrate

"But He could have saved my boys.  He could have . I'm so angry He didn't. I'm going to have to work through that with God, and I'm going to need time to do it. This isn't a quick fix, and there is no band-aid big enough to patch this damage. This cut is so deep it's going to take some major reconstructive surgery." I wrote that nearly two years ago. Two years. I wasn't wrong. There has been no quick fix. There was no band-aid. I'm still working through this with God. I still need time. I'll likely be working on this grief until it's my turn to leave this world. What I can  say is the waves have settled a bit; the intensity of the grief not quite so severe. I don't talk about them as much anymore. I no longer desire to go back to the hospital and cradle their cold bodies. We're done having children....even that  thought isn't as painful as it was just a year ago. Sam's birthday is April 30th. Gabriel
1 comment
Read more