Kaila Mugford

My entire life I was told that when I grew up, I needed to be independent and successful. Like any other kid, I dreamed of being a doctor, a lawyer, or anything of that kind. I even told my Dad once that I planned to start an insurance company because then I'd be really rich. He laughed and said he didn't need to worry about retirement then. It wasn't just my parents who said these things. I know they were just trying to make sure that I believed I could reach any height I aspired to and that anything was possible. The songs of the 90s were riddled with songs of female i-n-d-e-p-e-n-d-e-n-c-e, women don't need men (period), and any woman who depends on a man is weak. As a result, I grew to be a very strong woman. My husband will tell you that, as well as my parents and sisters. I spent my days in high school going to school board meetings, urging its members to incorporate more advanced courses in our school. I went to one of the top ten schools in the country, and

I am an incredibly vulnerable person. I feel vulnerability in every aspect of my life-my faith, my family, my friends, my finances, myself. I'd have to say that the place where I oftentimes feel most vulnerable is my faith. That is SO hard for me to admit. But listen to what I'm saying here...I'm vulnerable, not unsure. If you want to hurt me, start there. Most of it comes from being worried about what others think of me. I know, I was there for the majority of my life. I stood on that side of not believing unless I saw. I have to say, I'm still that way when it comes to things of THIS world. I thought those who had faith were trying to console themselves, were brainwashed, and made the rest of us uncomfortable with their prayers and their Jesus-talk. I thought faith was for the weak-minded, for those who didn't know enough to be able to figure things out for themselves so they settled for something that told them everything they wanted to hear. I thought that i