Kaila Mugford

I've never felt such heartbreak for another family...especially one that I've never met in person. The week that Sam died, I was introduced by a friend to a blog of a woman who lost twins. As I read about the emotions she was going through, I checked the date on the post, figuring that this was written years ago and this family had moved forward since then. But it wasn't. I was reading her life in real time...we had suffered our losses within 4 days of each other. Hers sudden, unexpected. Mine drawn out. Our first emails back and forth were of comfort and support, each sharing our individual stories. She couldn't imagine knowing for 4 months that her child would not live after birth. I couldn't imagine the shock of having no idea. When I got pregnant in September of last year, she and I continued to message. And when she got pregnant in January of this year, we finally took some time to Skype. I got to meet her and her beautiful daughter. We were both ecstat...

I just finished getting ready to go out to dinner. I know many people who don't like dressing up...but I love it. Working in a lab in jeans and a t-shirt every day can do that to you ;-) Have you ever had a certain smell call up a powerful memory? I'm sure you have, it happens to most everyone. Right now, as I wear my mother's perfume, I can smell my childhood. My parents would go out once every week or two when we were kids, and I loved it when they did (unless it was a not-so-friendly babysitter). The smell of my mother's perfume just takes me back. I can hear the hair dryer as she blow dries her bangs. I can hear her jewelry clink as she takes out the most gaudy pieces. I watch her as she meticulously applies her make up. And then she sprays her perfume. She always looked so put-together, so pretty. I thought my mom was the most beautiful woman I 'd ever seen. My sisters and I would try and wait up for them to get home, because they would be in such a good ...

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.   Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. ~Ephesians 4:31-32 I've been holding onto a lot of anger for a very long time. My thoughts and feelings toward a select few have become so bitter, that I have to bite my tongue each time I speak to them. I don't like these feelings I have. All they do is upset me, and nothing ever gets resolved. I'm constantly prompted in church to think of people I need to forgive...and the truth is I haven't done it. I think all the time about how I would go about this, and I've even tried to forgive those who have hurt me so badly. But every single time I try, I don't feel that weight being lifted off my shoulders. I don't immediately feel good. I know forgiveness sometimes has to happen more than once. Sometimes you have to forgive over and over. I honestly wi...

There's something I just need to get off my chest. I might regret it down the road. But just remember...I'm 25 and a brand new mother, okay? I don't claim to be the perfect parent (far from it), I'm just the daughter of the One I'm trying to learn from. I am incredibly sick and tired of the coddling we do to our children these days. And I'm not only speaking as a mother, but as a person who was a child until very recently and had to grow up with other coddled kids. Maybe you know what I'm talking about, maybe you don't. And I know every generation feels this way about the one coming right after them, but it's true. I would say we're rapidly approaching a society of blame, that it's everyone's fault but our own, that we're afraid of failure. But we're not approaching it. We are IN IT. I don't even know if I can say what I need to say appropriately, but one of the many points I took away from last Thursday and Friday at ...

I'm sitting downstairs listening to my baby cry. No, I'm not trying the cry it out method...she's upstairs with Daddy. She just hates bedtime. And as hard as it can be to hear her be so upset, I know she's just fine and just fighting sleep. I will miss these days, I know I will. I can't believe my baby is 2 months old, and yet, I feel like she has been with us forever. I don't even remember what it was like before we starting having kids, and it really wasn't that long ago. I love being a mother. Love it. Mira did end up getting her vaccinations (and I'm either an awesome Mom or how could I possibly do that to my child depending on your viewpoint). I realized though, that I had to let go of what others might think about the decisions I'm making as a mother. Because I'm making them out of my love for her. I'm making them based on what I feel is best for her. And if I make a decision that somewhere down the road leads to some compl...