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Insecurity

I'm really insecure. And I wish more people knew that about me...maybe it's already obvious? I really don't know.

As we've been reading Rick Warren's What on Earth Am I Here For? The Purpose Driven Life, I have had so many revelations about myself. It's meant to be read in 40 days, but I think this is a book that needs to be read more than once.

I've been working on myself a lot in the last couple of weeks, and have been making a sincere effort to change my attitude to be a happier person for myself and my family. But what makes me unhappy in life? I can't just put a big smile on my face and fake it. I need to know what's at the root of this negativity I hold onto so tightly...and I'm pretty sure it's insecurity.

I have this need to be liked. I want everyone to enjoy my company, think I'm funny, want to spend more time with me, think I'm smart, talented, and kind-hearted. And wouldn't ya know...not everyone thinks that about me!

What a shock it is to learn that I'm not perfect. And you know what was even more interesting to me while doing my readings this week? The only perfect individual who has walked this Earth, Jesus Christ, was not the most popular guy either. Not everyone liked Him, agreed with Him, wanted Him around.

And He was okay with that. Because He knew that it only mattered what his Father in Heaven thought. If He had tried to be perfect and please everyone...none of us would be saved today.

o_o

Wow. That was just incredible to me. Even though I already know about the life and teachings of Jesus, I had just never really thought to apply it to my life. By people-pleasing, I am forgetting about who I should be most worried about satisfying.

Not to say that I should throw caution to the wind, or take on an "I don't care what you think," attitude by any means. I should still make an effort to be the positive, encouraging, loving person that I want to be. But I should do it in the way that glorifies God, and not myself.

I pray for the wisdom to incorporate this attitude in my life, and for my daughter to see me as the genuine Christ-follower that He wants me to be.

People-pleasing is tiring, and I want to get off the hamster wheel I've been running on for so long...I want to be a Jesus-pleaser :)

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