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How I do it all.

 "I wish I had your energy."

"How do you do it?"

There's a weird sense of pride taken when I wear myself too thin. I'd blame it on culture, on the go-go-go mentality of everyone around me. I get swept away in things. Good things. Things that take time and energy. 

My schedule is mine to make and mine to keep. No one says yes to things *for me*. 

How do I do it? How do I have the energy?

The thing is I don't. I don't have it. I force it. Age is on my side right now I'd say in that my body can take a lot more than I should be forcing on it. It will catch up with me one day if I don't change something.

The late nights. The early mornings. The social calendar. The planning. The doing. The yeses that should have been nos. 

I'm a broken record to those closest to me. I talk about the need to cry fairly often.

I need to...but I don't. I hold it in because I don't have the energy to cry. 

I don't have the time to feel my feelings. 

It's not something to be admired. It's not something to wish for. 

When the kids get home from school today, I'm turning off my phone. We plan to watch a movie, cook waffle cone smores over a fire, and drink apple cider. 

My kids are so excited for mom to put her phone away for a few hours. 

I have a plan in place to be wiser with my yeses. That plan will take months as I fulfill commitments I made long ago. 

For now though, I just thought I'd be honest. 

How do I do it? 

Unhealthily. With no margin. Few boundaries. 

That's how.

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