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31 Candles

One year ago I turned 30.

Such a big year. So much behind us. So much ahead of us. We found out on October 13th 2017 that we were pregnant with our 4th baby.

I created a sweet little announcement. My heart pounded with excitement as I posted that picture and typed out our news.


I called Gabriel "my favorite birthday gift." And it was true.

I felt like we were in the clear.

That grief wouldn't touch us again in such a deep way.

At least not so soon.

It all looked so perfect.

I didn't know that little yellow pumpkin would be in our home one year later.

And he would be missing.


This day last year, I had dreams of what our family raising 3 kids would look like.

This day this year my 5 year old turned in an assignment for Dia de los Muertos where she wrote about her two brothers in Heaven.

My 30th year didn't turn out anything like I thought it would.

Today? It has been such a good birthday.

I am so very loved.

But my boys. They're loved too.

If I could, I would blow out my candles...

and make a wish that they were here.

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