Skip to main content

4 Years

I probably seem a little bipolar of sorts going through highs and lows on here, but that's mostly because the times that are happiest (and saddest), I like to share. I don't care for putting on an air of perfection, because I'm not.

Tomorrow Jamey and I will be celebrating our 4 year anniversary. Has it really only been 4 years? I feel like we've already lived a lifetime together. And that's a good thing ;-)

We didn't really seem to have much of a chance when we first started dating. Eight months after our first date, Jamey moved me in to college in North Carolina and shortly after that, he boarded a plane for Japan. I was told by multiple people in college that it would never last, and we'd be better off ending it early to save heartbreak later. Somehow, we survived that year of saying good morning/good night twice a day, and spent the next summer together.

To make a long story short, we did manage to make it through the next 3 years long distance. In that time we endured the near-death of my father, my depression, Jamey's job loss, we had to sell our home, and right after I graduated, we moved to Ohio of all places.

Ohio. Ugh. Who moves TO Ohio? I said that more than once the first year we were here. ;)

We got married 5 months after I graduated, on October 2, 2010. Ten-to-ten (makes it easy for us to remember...and by us I mean Jamey...okay it's me).

One year later, we decided to celebrate our anniversary in Chicago, with a small detour 3 hours West to tell my family that we were expecting.

One year after that we were mourning the loss of our firstborn, and announcing that we were expecting again.

One year after that we had a 4 month old baby girl.

And here we are. Through job loss, the loss of our first baby, the gain of an amazing community in our church, and the raising of our daughter...we are here. Happy, in a town we love, a new home we love, people we love, and our God we love.

We've lived a lifetime of memories in 4 short years, and for that I am so grateful. Not everyone has experienced the grief that we have, but not everyone has experienced the joy we have either.

If four years can yield this much, I can hardly wait to see what God has in store for the rest of our lives. The ride is amazing. And I plan to keep my hands in the air and a smile on my face.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Unfixable

I have to share some things that are going to make some people uncomfortable. I'm okay with that, but I know it's not going to be easy to read because you might want to try to fix me. You can't. You can't "fix" these feelings. You can't pray them away. You can't tell me to "just trust God" and go on with your day. Well, I guess you  can. But I can't. I am not in a good place. I am not okay. I don't even want to be okay at this point. I tell Jamey almost every night that I want to go back to the hospital. I want to lay in that bed. I want to kiss and cuddle my son. I want to stroke his cheeks. I don't care if they're cold. I don't care if he'll never open his eyes again. I just want to go back there and rock him in my arms. I took pictures of the bruises on my arms and hands from being in the hospital. There are so few memories of my son, that I didn't even want to forget that part. My blood pressure w...

Memories

I have videos of the entirety of Sam's life...so even if I forget them, I'll be able to see everything from those moments. The moments after he was born, however, are only images in my head. After Sam died and everyone had the chance to hold him, it was time to get some rest. Jamey's family went home, my sisters slept on the chair and couch in my room, and my parents went out to the car to sleep. The hotel attached to the hospital told my family they'd be charged full price for a room if they checked in at 5am but would need to check out at noon, so they opted not to get one. Jamey crawled into bed with me, Sam snuggled between us. He had been in heaven for over an hour, but to us it just seemed natural. We wanted to share one nap with our boy, before he was physically taken from us. It wasn't a peaceful sleep, of course. Hospital beds aren't made for 2 grown people. But we made it work. Phone calls were made, and we were told that the director of the Cr...

Rain Clouds

I really don't want to feel this way for the rest of my life, but I'm afraid I might. I'll be perfectly fine for days, maybe even weeks, and then it just seems to hit me out of nowhere. Something huge is missing from my life. I feel homesick even though I'm home. Jamey and I packed a bag tonight for when we go up to the hospital. We read through the lists of suggestions from other moms, mostly of what to bring for baby. Only because we don't know what we'll need for her. We bought two outfits for Sam, bathed him once, and he only wore one diaper. I know the hospital has most of the stuff we'll need, but I like to bring a little extra. As much fun as it is to pack a coming home outfit, it's equally sad for us. I asked Jamey if any of this made him sad and he said, "yes, it does." I don't want the happy moments in my life to be overshadowed by this sadness that we have for Sam. Although I don't ever want to forget him in any way, ...