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Three Mother's Days

Two years ago, I spent my Mother's Day lying on the couch unable to get myself up. I had wanted badly to go to the zoo. Mothers get in free on Mother's Day, and I was going to take a picture of Sam with me.

I just couldn't. I lay there and cried and cried...with a husband feeling the same way but trying to make my day special. We should have had a 2 week old. Instead, our arms were empty and our hearts were breaking.

Last year was a little better. We still had 2 weeks left to wait for Mira to make her arrival. I celebrated Mother's Day as a mother of two, but neither were in my arms. I don't really remember what we did that day.

I just remember what we didn't do. We didn't go to church. They dedicate babies two times a year at our church- Thanksgiving weekend and Mother's Day. I just couldn't watch other mommas proudly holding their healthy babies as they were dedicated to God. I had no choice but to give mine to God all too soon. It was just too much.

Tomorrow will be the first year I attend church on Mother's Day in 3 years.

Three years.

I can't believe I've been a mama for that long, and yet this will be the first time I have my baby in my arms to celebrate.

I can't wait.

I'm a lover of all holidays...Mother's & Father's Day, Valentine's Day, the works. I don't care if other people hate them. I LOVE that there are special days set aside like this, no matter how cheesy they may seem. We make them fun, and we have and always will love celebrating them.

Even when Sam died 2 weeks before my first Mother's Day.

It was a sad day, yes. But I didn't hate the holiday. In fact, I was excited to finally be part of the world of Moms, even if I had to mother my baby in heaven. 

Tomorrow will be a wonderful day, I'm sure of it. I would give anything to have both of my children here with me to celebrate, but I will celebrate nonetheless. I bought a new dress and everything :-)

Just over 2 years ago Sam made me a mama forever. I will never forget that. And I will also never forget the first year I spend with Mira on Mother's Day either.

Happy Mother's Day to every mama out there. Whether your babies are here with you, in heaven, or not here yet, I pray that your day is as joyous as can be. You are wonderful, and deserve to be celebrated!

Comments

  1. HollyMay 10, 2014 at 9:32 PM

    Well I did over hear a sweet little angel tell Mira she would be the best Mother's Day/Father's Day present :) she seems to live up to that expectation! Happy Mother's Day Kaila!

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    Replies
    1. Kaila MugfordMay 10, 2014 at 10:20 PM

      So true Holly! I love that dream you had and it still puts a lump in my throat!! <3 <3

      Delete
  2. Patty WMay 11, 2014 at 5:06 PM

    I didn't have the same experience as you but I remember going to a baby shower shortly after my miscarriage and the mother of the mom-to-be announced "any ladies here today who are pregnant get to go through the food line first - you need food!" I just wanted to melt on to the floor in a puddle. I cried and cried when I got home. All the feelings you go through - it's unfair - what did I do wrong...every mothers day I think about the child I never knew - but will some day. I also know what an incredible blessing I have in Olivia and thank God for that every day.

    ReplyDelete

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