Skip to main content

Awake

It's almost 2am....and I'm up. Pretty normal for new parents, but it hasn't been our norm for over 2 weeks now. Mira goes to bed before midnight and gets up around 8am.

I know. Be jealous.

But we're in the hospital, and will be for at least 48 hours as we wait for blood, urine, and CSF cultures come back on Mira. This makes for our third time in 8 weeks Mira has been hospitalized.

Ok. Now don't be jealous.

She spiked a fever today, and has been pretty lethargic. I decided to call the pediatrician hoping they'd just say "give her x dose of tylenol and call us back," but no such luck. I got an, "you have an appointment at 3:45." So we went in. And then got an, "She has a fever of 101.6. That's pretty serious for a baby her age, and we cannot see an obvious reason why she'd have a fever (no ear infection, throat is clear, and no vomiting). We're going to have to admit her."

I actually said, "Are you serious?!? We're so tired of running to the hospital!" Three times in 8 weeks seems a bit excessive.

But we're here. Mira has so far gotten an IV (in her head poor thing), a catheter, a lumbar puncture, and has been started on antibiotics. If only I could take her place...if only. And you want to know something interesting? She hasn't had a fever since she was admitted to the hospital, she's been taking her bottles like normal, and her labs are so far coming back normal.

*sigh of relief*

We're still stuck here at least until late Sunday night for all the cultures to come back, but things are looking good. I just woke up about a half hour ago when Mira coughed. I thought, "Wow, this is going to be a long evening with my sensitivity to her noises," so I figured I'd go out and ask the nurse some questions since it had been awhile since she'd been in there.

Come to find out, she had been in the room already for vitals, to start the antibiotics, and she fed her four ounces from the bottle.

What??? I slept right next to her crib through all of that???

And as I sat here in the dark after padding back to our room, I realized that although God did not make Mira sick, He could be using this as an opportunity to teach me something. To slow down, relax, and just enjoy my baby.

To learn to say no, to stop with the constant running and doing. I have to admit that often I do not allow myself to sit still and listen to God's whispers. I say that I want to know what He wants for me, I pray for it, but rarely am I available for His message to get through.

It's getting through tonight though. We had an entire FULL weekend planned. And now we're confined to a room for the weekend, with all of us just in each other's company. We realized last weekend that since she's been born, it's only been just the 3 of us for 2 weekends. Every other weekend we have been somewhere or have had visitors. Mira has been to the zoo several times, Cedar point, Illinois for a week, and numerous other places. And she hasn't even had her 2 month vaccinations yet.

We need to slow down. This upcoming month is going to be incredibly busy on the weekends. So I think our weeks are going to have to be slower. I praise the Lord for this insight during the wee hours of the morning. I'm thankful to hear His whispers through the chaos. And I'm thankful Mira is not showing any signs of illness as of right now.

Continued prayers, please. We're going to be here for another 2 days.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The Hardest Part

One year ago today I had my very last prenatal checkup. I saw both my maternal-fetal medicine specialist and my ob/gyn. My blood pressure was great. Gabriel was still there and moving. There was no indication that within 24 hours my liver would start to fail. I didn't know that April 13th, 2018 would be the last time I ever saw my baby on an ultrasound. It would be the last time I heard his heartbeat. I didn't know that the next morning a pain would begin. The next day I would meet my sweet little 2-month-old nephew. I wouldn't be able to eat because I just wasn't feeling well. I would stay up late with the pain, sipping water and waiting for it to pass. The next night would be spent in the ER, not knowing we would be meeting Gabriel face to face just 10 hours later. One year ago was the beginning of goodbye to this teeny boy. And I had no idea. Wednesday morning. It's time to get ready to leave. Except it's 3:00am. I keep waking up, worried tha...

A New Way to Celebrate

"But He could have saved my boys.  He could have . I'm so angry He didn't. I'm going to have to work through that with God, and I'm going to need time to do it. This isn't a quick fix, and there is no band-aid big enough to patch this damage. This cut is so deep it's going to take some major reconstructive surgery." I wrote that nearly two years ago. Two years. I wasn't wrong. There has been no quick fix. There was no band-aid. I'm still working through this with God. I still need time. I'll likely be working on this grief until it's my turn to leave this world. What I can  say is the waves have settled a bit; the intensity of the grief not quite so severe. I don't talk about them as much anymore. I no longer desire to go back to the hospital and cradle their cold bodies. We're done having children....even that  thought isn't as painful as it was just a year ago. Sam's birthday is April 30th. Gabriel...

On Not Writing.

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash Kaila...why don't you write? I stopped writing, really writing , almost 3 years ago.  Sometimes I share my old posts. Sometimes I just read them on my own, so glad I put words to my feelings at the time.  Sometimes they remind me that the feelings haven't gone away. Last night as I put the kids to bed, Edward said, Mom, I know what I want for Christmas.  What's that, buddy? He paused for a moment. I want a wittle brudder. This isn't the first time he's asked. It likely won't be the last. We're honest with Mira and Edward that we can't have any more kids; and to try would risk my life. There's a bit of confusion just because of their ages, but they're getting to the point where it's really starting to settle in. Mom, can we go get a baby? Like, adopt?  We've walked this thought-road as well, weighing our options. We've weighed every. single. option.  We've considered trying again, rolling the dice...