Our Frankenstein Window

I do not have a green thumb. Like...at all. I don't really think anyone else in my family does either.

Plant something outside? That I don't have to take care of? I'm a rockstar. My most successful plant has been a little evergreen that was given to me by a coworker and I potted about 2 years ago. It now grows itty bitty pine cones!

Bring something inside? Kiss of death.

But. Now...I have a magic window. No, seriously. A window that every plant we put in front of it comes back from the dead. We can even forget to water it, and it lives! I was so excited about this tonight that I just had to snap a quick picture.

We had a "Life Celebration" party for Sam around this time last year. One of the gifts we received was a red Japanese maple...which we are told is very easy to care for. And it is. Except I killed it.

Or thought so. Look!

It's.....ALIVE!!

At that party we also received a gift certificate to a greenhouse for another plant. We chose a rosebush. Which we also killed.

Or....

That window. Is amazing. If you have any plants on the brink or you think might be already dead...bring it on over. We apparently have our own resident Fronk-en-steen ;-)

Comments

Unfixable

I have to share some things that are going to make some people uncomfortable. I'm okay with that, but I know it's not going to be easy to read because you might want to try to fix me. You can't. You can't "fix" these feelings. You can't pray them away. You can't tell me to "just trust God" and go on with your day. Well, I guess you can. But I can't. I am not in a good place. I am not okay. I don't even want to be okay at this point. I tell Jamey almost every night that I want to go back to the hospital. I want to lay in that bed. I want to kiss and cuddle my son. I want to stroke his cheeks. I don't care if they're cold. I don't care if he'll never open his eyes again. I just want to go back there and rock him in my arms. I took pictures of the bruises on my arms and hands from being in the hospital. There are so few memories of my son, that I didn't even want to forget that part. My blood pressure w...

Memories

I have videos of the entirety of Sam's life...so even if I forget them, I'll be able to see everything from those moments. The moments after he was born, however, are only images in my head. After Sam died and everyone had the chance to hold him, it was time to get some rest. Jamey's family went home, my sisters slept on the chair and couch in my room, and my parents went out to the car to sleep. The hotel attached to the hospital told my family they'd be charged full price for a room if they checked in at 5am but would need to check out at noon, so they opted not to get one. Jamey crawled into bed with me, Sam snuggled between us. He had been in heaven for over an hour, but to us it just seemed natural. We wanted to share one nap with our boy, before he was physically taken from us. It wasn't a peaceful sleep, of course. Hospital beds aren't made for 2 grown people. But we made it work. Phone calls were made, and we were told that the director of the Cr...

The Hardest Part

One year ago today I had my very last prenatal checkup. I saw both my maternal-fetal medicine specialist and my ob/gyn. My blood pressure was great. Gabriel was still there and moving. There was no indication that within 24 hours my liver would start to fail. I didn't know that April 13th, 2018 would be the last time I ever saw my baby on an ultrasound. It would be the last time I heard his heartbeat. I didn't know that the next morning a pain would begin. The next day I would meet my sweet little 2-month-old nephew. I wouldn't be able to eat because I just wasn't feeling well. I would stay up late with the pain, sipping water and waiting for it to pass. The next night would be spent in the ER, not knowing we would be meeting Gabriel face to face just 10 hours later. One year ago was the beginning of goodbye to this teeny boy. And I had no idea. Wednesday morning. It's time to get ready to leave. Except it's 3:00am. I keep waking up, worried tha...

Kaila Mugford

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