There's something I just need to get off my chest. I might regret it down the road. But just remember...I'm 25 and a brand new mother, okay? I don't claim to be the perfect parent (far from it), I'm just the daughter of the One I'm trying to learn from.
I am incredibly sick and tired of the coddling we do to our children these days. And I'm not only speaking as a mother, but as a person who was a child until very recently and had to grow up with other coddled kids.
Maybe you know what I'm talking about, maybe you don't. And I know every generation feels this way about the one coming right after them, but it's true. I would say we're rapidly approaching a society of blame, that it's everyone's fault but our own, that we're afraid of failure.
But we're not approaching it. We are IN IT.
I don't even know if I can say what I need to say appropriately, but one of the many points I took away from last Thursday and Friday at the Global Leadership Summit was this: we need to fail. How else can we learn from our mistakes if we never MAKE any??
I am grateful that my parents gave me the opportunity to make my own mistakes and guide me through the learning process. Too often anymore do I hear people telling their children that they are the most perfect, amazing, best at everything and everyone else is just jealous.
Don't get me wrong, I consider praise extremely important in the upbringing of a child. But it's just overdone these days. I feel like many times parents reverse project (if that even makes sense) their insecurity and personal convictions onto their children. They make sure their kids are never uncomfortable, or feel any kind of negative emotion. And all I think is pretty simple: kids need to feel everything, good and bad. It helps them to build a healthy affect. Take note--healthy does not equal perfect!
Not only are we afraid for our kids to experience hurt feelings, but we're also too afraid for them to scrape their elbows. I'm just waiting for the day Mira falls off the bed or faceplants from one of our laps to the floor. I've already accidentally bumped her head on a couple things (and dropped my phone on her while breastfeeding). It happens. She cries, I check to see if there's a bump, I give her a bottle, and all is well with the world again. I absolutely do not want to see her hurt. But she will fall. And she will cry. And the sooner I face that reality...the easier it might be to handle when it does happen (maybe?).
We have SO many safety devices on kid stuff, it takes us hours to figure out how to get everything put together. I'm all for safety, but it's a bit ridiculous. I've read OUTRAGE about how dare people put their kids in walkers because of the danger of them being mobile and falling down the stairs in them.
*cough* I thought falling down the stairs in a walker was a right of passage during childhood.
Am I grateful that we have learned from past mistakes and put some more safety into what our kids sit in or play with? YES. Do I think we've gotten lazy and sometimes common sense needs to be used more often than it is? OH YES. But you know, if your kid falls off the table in a Bumbo seat,it's the company's fault because they did not tell you that an unsecured seat could tip over with a wobbly baby in it. Obviously. My mother just bought us a food dehydrator that says in the instructions: "It must be understood by the operator that common sense and caution are a factor which cannot be built into this product, but must be supplied by the operator." This company has my respect. Unfortunately it was probably written because they were sued already for not having that kind of statement in there.
I'm just tired of living in a world where we do not have any accountability. And I just had to write about it. You may or may not agree with me. You may feel sorry for my children. And that's fine. But if you're one of those people who would call the cops on me for jumping out of my car to throw something in the mail box 2 feet away without getting Mira out of the car with me, then we cannot be friends. I love my babies more than anything in this world. And I don't need 3000 parenting books to tell me that what I'm doing is right. I have had the privilege of growing up in a home where common sense was rampant, and I hope to provide that kind of environment for my own kids.
One where they know they're loved more than I could possibly express with words. And even when they fall or fail, I will love them still. This is the kind of love that Our Father in Heaven teaches us. We may fall and scrape our elbows, but He picks us back up and puts us back together if we simply ask. He teaches us accountability and common sense. He loves us even though we are imperfect.
I am incredibly sick and tired of the coddling we do to our children these days. And I'm not only speaking as a mother, but as a person who was a child until very recently and had to grow up with other coddled kids.
Maybe you know what I'm talking about, maybe you don't. And I know every generation feels this way about the one coming right after them, but it's true. I would say we're rapidly approaching a society of blame, that it's everyone's fault but our own, that we're afraid of failure.
But we're not approaching it. We are IN IT.
I don't even know if I can say what I need to say appropriately, but one of the many points I took away from last Thursday and Friday at the Global Leadership Summit was this: we need to fail. How else can we learn from our mistakes if we never MAKE any??
I am grateful that my parents gave me the opportunity to make my own mistakes and guide me through the learning process. Too often anymore do I hear people telling their children that they are the most perfect, amazing, best at everything and everyone else is just jealous.
Don't get me wrong, I consider praise extremely important in the upbringing of a child. But it's just overdone these days. I feel like many times parents reverse project (if that even makes sense) their insecurity and personal convictions onto their children. They make sure their kids are never uncomfortable, or feel any kind of negative emotion. And all I think is pretty simple: kids need to feel everything, good and bad. It helps them to build a healthy affect. Take note--healthy does not equal perfect!
Not only are we afraid for our kids to experience hurt feelings, but we're also too afraid for them to scrape their elbows. I'm just waiting for the day Mira falls off the bed or faceplants from one of our laps to the floor. I've already accidentally bumped her head on a couple things (and dropped my phone on her while breastfeeding). It happens. She cries, I check to see if there's a bump, I give her a bottle, and all is well with the world again. I absolutely do not want to see her hurt. But she will fall. And she will cry. And the sooner I face that reality...the easier it might be to handle when it does happen (maybe?).
We have SO many safety devices on kid stuff, it takes us hours to figure out how to get everything put together. I'm all for safety, but it's a bit ridiculous. I've read OUTRAGE about how dare people put their kids in walkers because of the danger of them being mobile and falling down the stairs in them.
*cough* I thought falling down the stairs in a walker was a right of passage during childhood.
Am I grateful that we have learned from past mistakes and put some more safety into what our kids sit in or play with? YES. Do I think we've gotten lazy and sometimes common sense needs to be used more often than it is? OH YES. But you know, if your kid falls off the table in a Bumbo seat,it's the company's fault because they did not tell you that an unsecured seat could tip over with a wobbly baby in it. Obviously. My mother just bought us a food dehydrator that says in the instructions: "It must be understood by the operator that common sense and caution are a factor which cannot be built into this product, but must be supplied by the operator." This company has my respect. Unfortunately it was probably written because they were sued already for not having that kind of statement in there.
I'm just tired of living in a world where we do not have any accountability. And I just had to write about it. You may or may not agree with me. You may feel sorry for my children. And that's fine. But if you're one of those people who would call the cops on me for jumping out of my car to throw something in the mail box 2 feet away without getting Mira out of the car with me, then we cannot be friends. I love my babies more than anything in this world. And I don't need 3000 parenting books to tell me that what I'm doing is right. I have had the privilege of growing up in a home where common sense was rampant, and I hope to provide that kind of environment for my own kids.
One where they know they're loved more than I could possibly express with words. And even when they fall or fail, I will love them still. This is the kind of love that Our Father in Heaven teaches us. We may fall and scrape our elbows, but He picks us back up and puts us back together if we simply ask. He teaches us accountability and common sense. He loves us even though we are imperfect.
Hi Kaila,
ReplyDeleteI agree with you 100%... it was almost rather horrifying how many parents showed up with their kids to grad school orientation this year. Grad school! And they were openly freaking out about how their 20-some-year olds couldn't survive on their own.
Mira is adorable and I'm so happy for you and Jamey :)
-Sydney
Wow that is incredible! Although I did know a few people who had their parents completely pick their schedules for them in college...my parents would always say, "what are you taking now?" Not that they didn't care, they just knew I could do it on my own! And thank you so much, Mira is such a blessing!!
Delete