Skip to main content

A Life of Love


I have served in youth ministry for a number of years. Last year, I came to a point where I realized that although we will no longer be bringing home any more babies, God has given me more children than I know what to do with. My high schoolers are amazing young people. In a short time I have had the privilege to meet and build relationships with many kids, and I care for each and every one. 

One girl in particular was especially close. Mary. Full of spunk and always asking me if I had time to chat after our small group time. Jamey knew that I would never make it back from youth group 'on time' because either she or another girl would share their lives with me and I just loved to listen. 

When Gabriel died, Mary pushed me in ways that many adults wouldn't have thought to even try. She constantly challenged my faith and my thinking, sometimes to the point where I would even ask her to just hush for a moment so I could get my thoughts out. She could talk forever, she always made me laugh, and her encouraging words were beyond her years. 

Mary died last month. She was 19 years old. When I got the news I couldn't catch my breath. Mary? My Mary? No. It's not fair. Not to her, not to her family, not to anyone who loves her. I grieve her loss and I know that my grief couldn't even compare to that of her family's. 

I am grateful to have many stories of my time with Mary, but I want to share my favorite today.

Mira's 6th birthday. I had no big plans, no party planned, just a simple family birthday celebration. 

Does she like horses? Mary had asked me. 

When I told her yes, she asked if Mira would like to ride one. Mary owned a horse, Blue, and she said he was a good horse for little kids. I know this would be perfect for a little girl on her birthday, she'd told me. Mary gave me the address for where to meet her and we planned to get together on Mira's birthday. 

When we got there, Mary was ready to go. I have something for you, Mira, and she handed her a gift bag filled with candy, a card, and a tiny llama piñata. She'd even written her a special invitation decorated with horses and stickers. Mira was ecstatic. We met Blue, we fed him apples, and Mira rode him and walked with him around the barn. Mary was by her side the entire time. She was thrilled to be making Mira's birthday so special. I couldn't believe how happy this 18 year old kid was just bringing joy to a 6 year old. I took lots of pictures and video, and it will forever be engrained in my memory.

Mira still brings up that birthday. She has asked me constantly when we would be able to go horseback riding again because it was just so fun with Mary. 

When I told her that Mary is now in Heaven, she said, Mom, she was just so young.

I agree. So very young.

Mary's mother stopped by today with a special gift for Mira. She found a riding horse playset that had belonged to Mary and wanted Mira to have it. I am in awe of the heart of this mother grieving her daughter and her willingness to part with this set. My words seem inadequate, but I couldn't go without acknowledging the special meaning this has for me and for Mira. Mary will always be remembered as a part of our family. 

None of us know how long we have on this Earth. I know Mary had big dreams for her future and I was excited to see her achieve them. At her memorial, her father said that Mary had achieved more in 19 years than most do in their entire lifetimes. I absolutely agree with that. She loved others so well and I consider myself blessed to have been part of her life. 

Her joy was contagious. Her love was immense. 

May we all strive to live a life as well as she did. 

Until we meet again, Mary, hold my boys and tell them about their momma. I'll miss you sweet girl.

 

Comments

  1. Oh Kayila! My head felt every word you wrote. What a blessing for you to have been a part of such an amazing young lady. She will with you always and each time you see a horse may it remind you what a joy she brought your sweet daughter.
    Love Rose.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh Kayila! My head felt every word you wrote. What a blessing for you to have been a part of such an amazing young lady. She will with you always and each time you see a horse may it remind you what a joy she brought your sweet daughter.
    Love Rose.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Unfixable

I have to share some things that are going to make some people uncomfortable. I'm okay with that, but I know it's not going to be easy to read because you might want to try to fix me. You can't. You can't "fix" these feelings. You can't pray them away. You can't tell me to "just trust God" and go on with your day. Well, I guess you  can. But I can't. I am not in a good place. I am not okay. I don't even want to be okay at this point. I tell Jamey almost every night that I want to go back to the hospital. I want to lay in that bed. I want to kiss and cuddle my son. I want to stroke his cheeks. I don't care if they're cold. I don't care if he'll never open his eyes again. I just want to go back there and rock him in my arms. I took pictures of the bruises on my arms and hands from being in the hospital. There are so few memories of my son, that I didn't even want to forget that part. My blood pressure w...

Memories

I have videos of the entirety of Sam's life...so even if I forget them, I'll be able to see everything from those moments. The moments after he was born, however, are only images in my head. After Sam died and everyone had the chance to hold him, it was time to get some rest. Jamey's family went home, my sisters slept on the chair and couch in my room, and my parents went out to the car to sleep. The hotel attached to the hospital told my family they'd be charged full price for a room if they checked in at 5am but would need to check out at noon, so they opted not to get one. Jamey crawled into bed with me, Sam snuggled between us. He had been in heaven for over an hour, but to us it just seemed natural. We wanted to share one nap with our boy, before he was physically taken from us. It wasn't a peaceful sleep, of course. Hospital beds aren't made for 2 grown people. But we made it work. Phone calls were made, and we were told that the director of the Cr...

Rain Clouds

I really don't want to feel this way for the rest of my life, but I'm afraid I might. I'll be perfectly fine for days, maybe even weeks, and then it just seems to hit me out of nowhere. Something huge is missing from my life. I feel homesick even though I'm home. Jamey and I packed a bag tonight for when we go up to the hospital. We read through the lists of suggestions from other moms, mostly of what to bring for baby. Only because we don't know what we'll need for her. We bought two outfits for Sam, bathed him once, and he only wore one diaper. I know the hospital has most of the stuff we'll need, but I like to bring a little extra. As much fun as it is to pack a coming home outfit, it's equally sad for us. I asked Jamey if any of this made him sad and he said, "yes, it does." I don't want the happy moments in my life to be overshadowed by this sadness that we have for Sam. Although I don't ever want to forget him in any way, ...