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A hope deferred, a dream fulfilled

"Hope deferred makes a heart sick,
               but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life."
                                    Proverbs 13:12


I've read this verse before, nestled between 24 others in this chapter. But during this week's service, it just hit me how true this really is.

I've been living much of my life in "hope deferred" mode.

I've been wanting to be a mommy for so very long, and for the longest time I didn't even realize it. In high school I focused on my grades, the extracurricular, and working. I had my eyes set on that diploma, and couldn't wait to find out where I would be attending college.

Graduation day came and went. I found myself in college, with a major I thought would make my family proud and others "ooh and ahh" over. I couldn't wait to finish college and get my first big girl job...and to finally marry the love of my life.

Graduation day came again and went. Jamey and I married, and we settled into our lives. I had my first job; I had everything I had ever worked for.

And yet. Something was missing.

I realize now that the dream I have had for many years, the dream that has finally come true, is to be a mother. A stay at home mom who can soak up all the tiny cuteness (and frustrations) that are here and then gone in the blink of an eye. Not that any of these other events in my life are unimportant, no, I am blessed to have had the experiences I have had and to have Jamey as my partner. I knew long ago though that being a mommy was something I wanted more than anything...but I had to wait for it.

Waiting for so long to be a mommy to a baby here on earth felt like eternity (and I know our wait was not nearly as long as that of many others). My heart was indeed sick. Last night I read my posts from earlier this year and just could not believe the amount of stress and anxiety I was feeling compared to the happiness and joy I feel now.

Mira is our dream fulfilled. During the sermon, our pastor said that when you are living your dream, it energizes you, fills you up. And that is exactly how I feel being home with Mira. Sure, I get tired, and some days I wish she was more of a napper so I could close my eyes. But one little coo or smile on her face and I get a burst of energy. It's absolutely amazing, and I thank God for her every day.

Our life is far from perfect, but being at home with Mira makes life so good. I'm living my dream.

Now I just need to win the lottery ;-)

What is your dream for your life? What is keeping you from seeing it fulfilled?

 

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