Mira will be 3 weeks old tomorrow. It's amazing how before she was born, I felt like 3 weeks would last forever, and now that she's here, I felt like I blinked and the weeks just ran by me.
I've gotten a lot of questions about Mira and how it feels having her after having lost Sam.
To be honest, at this point I feel like losing Sam was something that happened to someone else, not me. Not to say that I don't remember the pain of losing him, that I don't still cry when I think about the life we missed out on with him...but having Mira has changed something about the way I feel about his loss.
I told a friend today who had lost her daughter over 30 years ago that I can't imagine having had a healthy baby and having THEN lost Sam. I guess I didn't know what I was really missing out on, I'd never seen a baby hit milestones. I loved and missed him like I never had anyone before, but I truly didn't know how my love could grow day by day for my baby.
I thought maybe the day she was born, all my memories of Sam would come back like a tidal wave...
But they didn't.
Mira's birth was scheduled. Sam's birth was scheduled, but he decided to make his arrival 10 days early. Their births were so completely different that I feel it was hard to compare them.
I went into labor with Sam the morning of April 29th, 2012. When we got to the hospital I was 3cm dialated, and they told me I was going to have a baby that day. After 15 hours of mild labor (I got an epidural at 7cm just because hey I didn't know how bad it might get), Sam was born at 3:20am on April 30th, 2012. He let out a few soft cries that were more like kitten mews than anything, and died in my arms at 4:10am. He was so sweet, so quiet, so calm.
Because Mira was breech, we had a scheduled external cephalic version (where doctors try to turn a breech baby to be head down by putting their hands on the mother's abdomen to physically turn the baby). I was taken into the O.R., they administered both a spinal and an epidural (if they were successful they were going to induce me), and I was laid on my back.
After a bunch of pushing and pulling (I could feel where the doctors had their hands on Mira), they told me that her heart rate was decreasing with each attempt to turn her and that she was going to be a c-section.
I of course told everyone before she was born that I was hoping for a c-section so it would be done and over quickly.
But when they said "Okay we're doing this," I thought wait a minute I'm not ready for this can we please do this another day! I breathed as calmly as I could as Jamey stroked my head and I started to cry. I was sure that I would be able to feel them cut me open, and I said, "could you please let me know when you make the incision?"
One doctor looked over at me and said, "Honey we're almost down to the uterus, baby's almost here!"
I couldn't believe that I was fully awake, had just had a major incision in my abdomen, and I had had no idea...modern medicine is amazing.
And then she was here. Screaming. Peed on everyone. I tried to cry but for some reason I couldn't. I was expecting this major rush of emotion that was grief mixed with joy and it wasn't there...I was just happy.
When they brought her over to me I just couldn't believe it. That Jamey and I were parents again, and this time, our baby was here to stay. They let me hold her on the way from the O.R. to recovery, where we were met with friends and family members. She nursed for the first time probably only 30 minutes after she was born and she knew exactly what she was doing, absolutely no problems.
So, although I built up Mira's birth in my head, it wasn't anything that I thought it might be. It was HER birth, and was not very (if at all) reminiscent of Sam's birth. She's unique, just like her brother :-)
Here are some pictures of Mira's birth--a big thanks to the nurse who took these since poor Jamey does not do well with hospitals or blood.
I've gotten a lot of questions about Mira and how it feels having her after having lost Sam.
To be honest, at this point I feel like losing Sam was something that happened to someone else, not me. Not to say that I don't remember the pain of losing him, that I don't still cry when I think about the life we missed out on with him...but having Mira has changed something about the way I feel about his loss.
I told a friend today who had lost her daughter over 30 years ago that I can't imagine having had a healthy baby and having THEN lost Sam. I guess I didn't know what I was really missing out on, I'd never seen a baby hit milestones. I loved and missed him like I never had anyone before, but I truly didn't know how my love could grow day by day for my baby.
I thought maybe the day she was born, all my memories of Sam would come back like a tidal wave...
But they didn't.
Mira's birth was scheduled. Sam's birth was scheduled, but he decided to make his arrival 10 days early. Their births were so completely different that I feel it was hard to compare them.
I went into labor with Sam the morning of April 29th, 2012. When we got to the hospital I was 3cm dialated, and they told me I was going to have a baby that day. After 15 hours of mild labor (I got an epidural at 7cm just because hey I didn't know how bad it might get), Sam was born at 3:20am on April 30th, 2012. He let out a few soft cries that were more like kitten mews than anything, and died in my arms at 4:10am. He was so sweet, so quiet, so calm.
Because Mira was breech, we had a scheduled external cephalic version (where doctors try to turn a breech baby to be head down by putting their hands on the mother's abdomen to physically turn the baby). I was taken into the O.R., they administered both a spinal and an epidural (if they were successful they were going to induce me), and I was laid on my back.
After a bunch of pushing and pulling (I could feel where the doctors had their hands on Mira), they told me that her heart rate was decreasing with each attempt to turn her and that she was going to be a c-section.
I of course told everyone before she was born that I was hoping for a c-section so it would be done and over quickly.
But when they said "Okay we're doing this," I thought wait a minute I'm not ready for this can we please do this another day! I breathed as calmly as I could as Jamey stroked my head and I started to cry. I was sure that I would be able to feel them cut me open, and I said, "could you please let me know when you make the incision?"
One doctor looked over at me and said, "Honey we're almost down to the uterus, baby's almost here!"
I couldn't believe that I was fully awake, had just had a major incision in my abdomen, and I had had no idea...modern medicine is amazing.
And then she was here. Screaming. Peed on everyone. I tried to cry but for some reason I couldn't. I was expecting this major rush of emotion that was grief mixed with joy and it wasn't there...I was just happy.
When they brought her over to me I just couldn't believe it. That Jamey and I were parents again, and this time, our baby was here to stay. They let me hold her on the way from the O.R. to recovery, where we were met with friends and family members. She nursed for the first time probably only 30 minutes after she was born and she knew exactly what she was doing, absolutely no problems.
So, although I built up Mira's birth in my head, it wasn't anything that I thought it might be. It was HER birth, and was not very (if at all) reminiscent of Sam's birth. She's unique, just like her brother :-)
Here are some pictures of Mira's birth--a big thanks to the nurse who took these since poor Jamey does not do well with hospitals or blood.
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| Waiting to meet our baby! |
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| Super happy to be out in the world! |
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| Gettin' her all measured up |
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| Hi Mom! I was so comfy stuck up in your ribs! |
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| Getting to know Daddy. |
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| I couldn't wait to get my hands on her! |
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